Advice for Caregivers

Practical Advice for Caregivers Supporting Someone with Dementia

June is Alzheimer's Awareness Month, a good time for practical advice for caregivers. If you would like to learn more about Alzheimer's, discover ways to promote brain health, or support Alzheimer's research, check out the latest information from the Alzheimer's Association.

You could also read The Wandering Place, but some parts of the story show you how NOT to work with people living with dementia.

But since I have your attention, allow me to share some incredibly wise advice for caregivers from an old friend from my teen years. (She's not old - our friendship is...) Thelma and her family have been walking this path for quite a while.

Note: I've edited and revised Thelma's words for clarity and to satisfy us Grammar Freaks.

Where Do I Belong?

From Facebook 3/21/25:

Traveling the road of dementia is complex. So many different paths one travels in a short time or over years.

Today was an exciting day because we remembered that this is where we live and that the items in the house were hers. You could hear joy in her voice as she remembered, almost as if there were relief in being home.

I can't imagine not knowing where I belong most of the time anymore, or who my loved ones are and where they belong in the family.

I can tell you this. Even if she doesn’t remember, when the great-grandkids walk through the door, they bring joy to her face and heart. I could go down the wishing trail of what if she could be herself again, sewing dresses for the little girls and making things for them, but today I will be thankful for her knowing that she is in her home, that, for the moment, she knows it is where she belongs.

You have to pick out the blessings from each day, no matter how small or big they may be. Things will never be as they once were, but there are still blessings if we look for them. As you travel life’s road, remember to look for the blessings, no matter how big or how small.

Keep going, one foot in front of the other, and remember you are never walking this road alone. There is always someone who has gone before you or is coming behind you. If you need encouragement, reach out to someone around you. Chin up, and keep on walking, one foot in front of the other.

Redirection

From Facebook 5/14/25

Some advice for those living with someone with dementia: Warm weather and nice days are upon us, and you need to be aware that loved ones may wander outside given the chance. It is like a toddler who wanders outside. They have no idea of the dangers, where they are going, or how to find their way back home, because most of the time they don’t consider their home the place where they live.

Living with dementia can be very frustrating for everyone involved, and sometimes loved ones try to reason with the person, which is like reasoning with a toddler. They may get mean when frustrated and lash out, and that isn’t because they are being vengeful. It is simply them releasing their frustrations the only way they know how.

So, please don't try to reason with, argue with, or frustrate them. Try to get their attention focused on something else, which can be difficult because, most of the time, the people they spend the most time with are the ones they don't listen to at all!

Dealing with dementia isn't for the faint of heart. It can involve getting phone calls at the most inconvenient times because a loved one has wandered off or is being unreasonable (because they can’t be reasoned with). It is easy to get frustrated with the primary caregiver who is supposed to have common sense between the two, but then you have to remember their age and the fact that they are there 24/7, or at least are supposed to be there 24/7, with the loved one.

Nobody can prepare you for dementia, but if you are walking this road with a loved one, please understand you aren’t alone. Reach out to someone who has been on this road and can offer pointers. You will reach the end of the road someday and look back to see that memories were made even as you walked it.

Finding Purpose

From Facebook on 5/16/25

Moving right along down this road, trying to get creative with things to keep dementia hands busy while sitting. It is the same with them as with toddlers. The busier you keep the hands, the less time they have to roam.

For one family member, I made a busy lap throw. Last evening, I ordered another one and will make a second, so we can swap them in and out. I ordered a kid’s sewing kit with plastic needles and a realistic doll.

I plan to update the laminated photos with the names and how each is related. It is a simple project: just laminate, hole-punch, and put on a ring so they can be flipped for easy viewing.

Sometimes it gets to the point where even little things help. Last evening, we introduced our loved one to the family. Asking a loved one to tend a real doll baby for one of the great-granddaughters put such a smile on her face.

I went upstairs, got a baby blanket she made for one of the grandkids to wrap Dottie in, and showed her the tag that says she made it. She beamed and said, “Really!” It gave her purpose. The hope is that it will keep her engaged and focused on that rather than other things, like digging treasures out of drawers or wanting to go home.

Sometimes you have to meet them where they are to make life easier. If you are at this stage with a loved one, see what might make it easier and keep them entertained for a while. Some dementia patients like stuffed animals, dolls, fidget toys, or picture books. Whatever it is, do what you need to make their life worthwhile and meaningful for them.