Why Did I Say That?
Recently, I emailed someone cheerfully saying, “I hope you have a wonderful holiday season.” She had recently lost someone very dear to her. Open mouth, insert foot.
It is easy to toss careless words without considering where they may land.
When life is going smoothly, I sometimes forget to step into the other person’s path and remember where they are.
How many times did I complain about my kids in the hearing of a parent who had lost a child or an adult who was never given the pleasure of raising children?
How often do I complain about not having money for dark chocolate to someone without a steady paycheck?
How many times have I made an outdoor-voice comment in a crowd of people about how much that person looks like a banana in her yellow dress?
How often have I compared one child to another, with one falling miserably short?
Open mouth, insert foot.
Sometimes, unfortunately, I say thoughtless words intentionally and want to be overheard. He may change his behavior if he knows what people think of him. (That rarely works, by the way.) Sometimes, I want the audience to know I’m peeved. After all, I’ve been the victim of such a great injustice as to have that man park his grocery cart in the center of the aisle so no one can move by him. It’s good to put haughty people in their place at times.
Or not. Uncle Fred’s know-it-all attitude may be a cover for low self-esteem. Putting him “in his place” would likely send him farther down the rungs of his confidence ladder.
Painful Words
A 1970s/80s Christian music group called Second Chapter of Acts had a song called “That’s Not Nice to Say.” I always liked the song but seldom adhered to the lyrics: “Stick and stone will break my bones, but words will break my heart.”
As I grow older, my patience grows shorter. I don’t have time to be tactful. I may not have hours to explain it gently. Too often, I give the whole barrage of my disapproval in one quick blast. I’d rather not tell you the number of times I’d like to take back words spoken in haste, with distaste, or designed to make another shamefaced.
Spoken words carry a certain amount of power. I can’t throw them carelessly without paying a price. I didn’t realize until it was too late how some of my careless words pierced the hearts of my young children. Words like, “You a pain in the butt,” or “Must you always…?”
Open mouth, insert foot.
I remember the Bible verse I memorized as a child because the teacher paid a quarter for reciting verses: King David said, “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips” (NASB). I need frequent reminders to think before talking.
It matters what I say, especially when I speak carelessly in the presence of someone who is hurting. If I’m unsure, I need only look at the face.
After all, if my words don’t bring comfort, peace, and honor to those closest to me, why am I saying them? I don’t feel better after I’ve said hurtful words. Now, two of us are hurting.
Think, Don’t Speak
As I grow older, I must hold my hand over my mouth a bit longer and consider what is about to spill out, or in some cases, put down the device until I’ve given it more thought. I must momentarily step onto the other person’s path before throwing my grand opinions at their feet. This is easier said than done.
I want my words to uplift, encourage, and offer gratitude and support. I want the words of my mouth to put a smile on someone’s face. When people walk away from me, I want them to be glad we spoke.
Until I master the art of speaking life instead of pain, I’ll need to adopt another habit:
Don’t say another word.
Don’t say another word.
Don’t say another word.
Just one more word – if you think I’m a terrible person (I’m not saying you’re wrong…), re-read this one. Put yourself in the “I” of each situation.
Did you get off easier than I did? I’m sure you did because the readers on my email list are amazingly wonderful people.
See, I’m learning already.
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